My Totally Biased Review of New Amerykah Part Two

I was at Target at 8:30 in the morn gettin my copy of Erykah Badu's new release. I'm sure I looked every bit of Badu's demographic with my lack of hair, lack of perm, lack of weave, tye-dyed leggings, and ability to read above a 6th grade level. The hoodrats and scallywags were there too, using their EBT cards to buy that Raymond vs. Raymond. Hey, different strokes for different folks, I suppose.

Anywho, I just want to start out by saying that I love Erykah. She is easily one of my most favorite people, of people that I don't know. Musically, she can really do no wrong in my eyes. Even if I don't love what she did in a song or on an album, I can always appreciate it and rarely (if ever at all) do I ever think anything she does is wack. She could release an entire album of only dolphin sounds, and I would still be like, "That was sorta fresh, yo." Yes, I would end the sentence with, "yo". Shut up.

I approached my initial listening with great expectation and excitement. I have listened to the entire album (including the demonic chanting) about five times today. And contrary to what I thought would happen when I first peeled off the wrapper and put the disk in the player, in real life, in this moment, I am generally underwhelmed. [INSERT SIGH HERE]I don't hate it... But I can't say that it improved the quality of my life.

It reminds me a lot of Worldwide Underground, which I like and respect, but didn't obsess over. With the exception of Bump It and Danger, I found myself not caring much. It's the same feeling I get with this album. It's cool. It's something to listen to. It makes great background music and you could probably have a really enlightening conversation while it's playing, but nothing ever really happens sonically or lyrically that will make you stop what you're doing and lose your mind. I wouldn't at all compare it to New Amerykah Part One (which I went into convulsions over and still twitch noticeably at the mere thought and/or mention of). However, though I wouldn't compare it in terms of depth and complexity, it does have leanings, style wise toward Part One, which sort of makes it all seem cohesive. It sort of gives me the impression that some of these songs may have been conceptualized or recorded for or around the time Erykah was making Part One, but they didn't make it onto that album. Therefore, the overall effect is a watered down, less interesting version of the first installment.

On a positive note, the artwork is funky fresh and there are some catchy melodies that you might find yourself humming around the house. One of the most infectious choruses is on the song Gone Baby, Don't Belong, which was produced by Taraach, who I want to say congrats to. You go, boy! Another highlight is Fall in Love (Your Funeral), which I wasn't surprised to see was produced by Karriem Riggins, who you may remember produced Soldier (which was the certified biz) off the last album and who's drumming I'm infatuated with in real life. Yay, Karriem!

Mama's Gun lovers [INSERT RAISED HAND HERE] will be either really happy or seriously irked with what seems to be the second installment of Green Eyes, entitled Out of My Mind, Just in Time. Similar to Green Eyes, Out of My Mind, Just in Time is at the end of the album, pushes the counter past 10 minutes, and plays out in three movements. It gives me happy feelings that Erykah went there once more, but honestly, it pales in comparison to Green Eyes, which pretty much anyone with working ears has classified as brilliant, beautiful, necessary, and dare I say, classic. It's worth listening to, though, and in my opinion takes the entire album from "alright" to "good".

Surprisingly, my favorite song is Window Seat, which is a complete shocker, cause I usually don't give a hot damn about singles. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that every time I hear it, I see Erykah's booty moving through my mind in slow motion. Or maybe it's 'cause it's actually a good song. Whatever the reason, the fact that my favorite song off of the album is a single is probably saying something bad... Real bad... Michael Jackson [INSERT DISAPPOINTED FACE HERE]. And while I'm making faces, I just want to say that I'm tired of Erykah trying to infest my house with evil spirits with all that demonic chanting that she's been putting on her albums lately. I rebuke it in the mighty name of Jesus.

This is getting long, so thus concludes my totally biased review of New Amerykah Part Two. Overall it is a solid album and definitely worth having, especially for Badu fans. Support, Support, SUPPORT good, interesting music from good, interesting artists. Pay money! Pay attention!

...Pay my phone bill. [INSERT GIGGLE HERE]

Ummm... What Happened to February?

You may or may not have noticed that I didn't post not a one single solitary blog entry for the entire month of February. And you might be wondering, "What's up with that?!?" You might even be saying, "That's some ole bull, Nikki!"

Well to the last statement, I shall just respond with my crazy side-eye look, which will let you know that you need to hush up, 'cause I ain't got time for all that foolishness. What do you think I was doin' all February? Being historically black, of course... Oh, and watching American Idol. Besides, if you really cared about where I was all that time and what I was doing, you would have been following me on Twitter or calling all of my phone numbers all hours of the night, like Judy Holiday.

Anyway the past is the past and we can't get it back, so let's talk about new shit, like what I'm currently doing. I'm glad you asked. I'm working on my website, which will be coming so soon, it won't be able to pull out in time and you might get pregnant. Also, I've been planted at my desk all night, every night for the past few weeks editing my book and getting it all put together. I had a minor cover crisis, which has just been resolved as of a few hours ago, so the book is going to print this week. YAY! Besides that, I've got a gang of features that include a panel discussion at Loyola Marymount University about Women and Power, a set in Hollywood, and a feature in the Bay Area in early April. Feel free to contact me if you want more info. Also, feel free to contact me about the proper address to send gifts to, cause my Birthday is on Friday... And I'm not even playing about the gifts.

I SHOULDA HAD AN ABORTION: Tha Year in Review

2009 took it's sweet time gettin' on up outta here, didn't it? Well, I'm glad that bitch is gone, cause we 'bout to get it in in 2010! *giggles*

And apparently, that's exactly what I been doin', cause here we are, a week into tha year, and I'm just now doin' a blog entry. Shameful, really, but whatever. I got a life, people! And furthermore, you gotta understand that I gotta take time out between entries to replenish my reservoir of foolishness. That's how you get tha very best fuckery from me... but I digress...



Despite some tragedies and scandals, I guess tha past year wasn't really bad at all, especially on a personal tip. I kept myself a job, wrote some poems n' thangs, continued to Boom on these hoes (while simultaneously stunting. That shit ain't easy!), and generally lived my life like it was golden. Highlights of tha year included my friend Tamara's wedding, celebrating Naomi's 10th Birthday at tha Mos Def and Erykah Badu show on Labor Day Weekend, and in October, marking tha one year anniversary of my marriage to my apartment.

So, this is like tha best story about my husband -- I mean, my apartment... It was Halloween of 2008. I had been in my place for all of 31 days and my brother, Chas was here. I have a front and a back door and of course, my back door is in my kitchen (well, not really "of course"... I mean, I guess it could be somewhere else... but traditionally, that's where back doors are.) My desk and computer and whole work station area is also in my kitchen, so inevitably, that's where I spend most of my time. We had been having a bit of a heat wave (or is that really just normal for L.A in October? *confused face*), so all of tha windows and my back door was open and Chas and I were sitting in tha kitchen talking and then, all of a sudden, we hear this woman GOING OFF.

She was sobbing and yelling and just actin' an all around fool. I imagine she prolly rolled around on tha floor at some point, that's how much she was cuttin' up. Well, apparently, she was "arguing" with her man (I put that in quotation marks, cause really it takes two people to argue and we never heard him say anything). She was like, "YOU DON'T LOVE MEEEEEEEEE!!!! YOU NEVER LOVED ME!!!" and of course, Chas and I, bein' tha maniacs that we are, turned down tha music and went over to tha window and back door so we could really hear all tha juicy mess. So, she's goin' on and on and on, just actin a muthafuckin' fool, and then she was like, "I SHOULDA HAD AN ABORTIOOOOOOOON! I SHOULDA HAD AN ABORTIOOOOOON! [insert inaudible sobs here]"

Chas and I looked at each other like "OH SHIT!"

Bwahahahahahahaahahahahahaha!

Forreal, lady? Is that whut you shoulda done? Wow.

I certainly hope tha child she "should've aborted" was a little baby and didn't know what was goin' on and not like 17 in tha other room on tha PS3, like "Whut tha fuck???"

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

So, now that's our inside joke. When some shit don't go tha way we want it to or we're just generally unhappy, we throw our heads back like tha characters in Charlie Brown, fake sob, and shout, "I SHOULDA HAD AN ABORTION!" It's fun for tha whole family.



That story had absolutely nothing to do with tha New Year or anything else for that matter... I just felt like sharing.

Broadcasting Live from Crazy Town

Tha following is a conversation that I've been having with a guy that I've seen around town before, but honestly don't know. Before we get into this good ole buffoonery, there are a few things you need to be made aware of:

1. Yes, I'm bestowing him with tha dishonorable Nigga Please Award.

2. When I originally saw that this seemingly innocent back and forth was quickly spiraling into shinanigans, I decided that it would merrit a blog post. My original intention was to remove tha trouble-maker's name to protect his identity and to fulfill my commitment to not being a complete asshole at all times... but he cut up so bad, that I figured I'd be doing tha general public a great service by including his name.

3. Despite how much he denies it, he did indeed try to holler at my homegirl, Reke. This fool invited her over for breakfast and wine. Yes, please and thank you... Wine. But he wasn't tryin' to holler? C'mon, son.

4. On more than one occasion, I could feel tha undeniable essence of Mimi Plastique creep on up in my spirit.

5. If I have to ask this man (gotdamn politely) to refrain from talking to me one more time, we gon' have some problems.

And now for tha monkey business...


Anthony Okwudiri Ehirim December 22 at 4:09pm
I remember meeting you at Leimert Park, my buddy stepped on your toe. I tried to nurse the pain by pouring some cold water on it. Hope your toe is fine..I remember saying to myself i hope i see her again...respect.

Nikki BLAK December 23 at 1:47pm
Funny, I don't remember that. Hey, didn't you recently try to holler at my friend, Reke?

Anthony Okwudiri Ehirim December 23 at 2:54pm
No..she hollered at me..i don't holler at woman. I told her lets be friends, i don't think she wanted that. I'm too fine to holler at women meaning i've never had to. I have a waiting list now. So if she told you i tried to holler at her she's a liar. However i do like to uplift and empower people who seem to be in rough situations like Reke would portray.

I think we live in times of instant gratification, people want things right away. I choose to build connections with people. Strengthen my cypher by having positive influences around me. Sex is too boring without a connection or friendship...

In ur case i may be mistaken, don't you have a daughter? You were at Leimert for some venue in the theatre and my buddy stepped on ur big toe..either way its fine if you don't remember.

Bless you and Reke..

Nikki BLAK December 23 at 4:08pm
Wow, that was a WHOLE LOTTA response. LMBAO @ "I'm too fine to holler at women".

*rolls around on tha floor, laughing*

WOWZERS. I don't think you're even her type, so I doubt it was her trying to holler at you... and while we're on tha subject of my good friend since I was 15, how do you think I feel about you, now that you've called my sister a liar? Trust, that's not how to get on my good side. No, I don't have a daughter, no I still don't remember our interaction, and honestly, at this point, I'm not at all interested. Reke and I are both very blessed, thank you. Be well.

Anthony Okwudiri Ehirim December 23 at 4:28pm
Oh i'm sorry then, well i thought it was you. Someone is walking around looking just like you. And my goal was not to holler at you either Nikki..i just appreciate beauty and like to show love and thought your facebook comment was cute. And no i didn't call her a liar luv, believe me if i was hollering i'd be more aggressive. I'm spoilt and usually get what i want.

I think Reke is beautiful and have nuthin bad to say bout her. After she mentioned that all she has to hold at night is a scruffy dog i felt like a woman so beautiful should have good people around her. Which she prob does. Ask her what went down, i wanted to see what her world was like. Its all love Nikki...

Sorry bout the mix up, i love beautiful people and positive energy and love to enjoy my life. Take care

Anthony Okwudiri Ehirim December 23 at 4:29pm
Dang u guys are sisters..you are both beautiful. Peace.

Anthony Okwudiri Ehirim December 24 at 3:42am
Nobody was trying to get on your good side lady. But i guess both you and Reke are free to flatter yourselves.

Nikki BLAK December 24 at 9:00am
Talking, talking, talking. Why are you STILL talking? Please stop.

Anthony Okwudiri Ehirim December 24 at 9:03am
lol..just clearing any misconceptions. Peace.

Nikki BLAK December 24 at 9:18am
Tha only misconceptions are tha ones that you created and continue to perpetuate with your incessant yapping about something, that frankly, nobody really cares about. I asked you a simple "yes" or "no" question, that you really could've just responded to and went on with tha rest of tha conversation. But instead, here we are, a billion messages later. This is stupid. Tha truth needs no proof. If it ain't so, just say so and move on without tha name calling, double talk, back and forth, and carrying on. I'm shocked at your reaction... it's as if I accused you of stealing, or beating my friend down in tha street. If you hollered, you hav a right to as a grown, single, heterosexual man. If you didn't, fine. I. Don't. Care. Ugh. This has been an extremely immature and WEIRD interaction, however, very telling of character, and for that, I'm thankful. It's good to kno, for future reference.

Anthony Okwudiri Ehirim December 24 at 11:18am
I was just a bit shocked..and it came out of nowhere???????????? I came at you with love so i'm not sure why u attacking me. I answer the way i want to answer not the way someone else wants me to answer. Everyone is different, if it takes me three pages so be it. Of course i would react to someone bullshitting about me. I'm jewelzdagod please do some research i make sure i walk the truth.. u commin at me really crazy for someone who just said you were beautiful. But its my fault i thought you were someone else, it is what it is. Take care.

Nikki BLAK December 24 at 11:27am
Sorry, there's no need for me to "research" anything... I have personal experience. Didn't know when I responded to your random, unsolicited message and asked you a harmless question that I would be getting a one way ticket to Crazy Town. Let me off this train. You can stop talking now. Thank you.

Anthony Okwudiri Ehirim December 24 at 11:34am
I'm sorry, god bless you and your right i hit u up unsolicited and you don't know me. Forgive me i really did think you were someone else. Thats why i aske d about your toe..

Anthony Okwudiri Ehirim December 24 at 11:46am
Hey so now that we're acquainted we can b friends, crazytown is [fun]. I'll get you a round trip, lol.I was a bit startled at ur harmless question. I'm harmless too ok. I love you...

Yes, yes, ya'll he did indeed just say he loves me. SECURITY!!!

Lucky

I wrote this tha other day. Because it's tha first poem that I've written in a long time that I've actually finished and liked, I thought I'd share it with ya'll. It looks long, but its really not, so don't be scurred.

LUCKY

Lucky

It was once said
That tha only reason
I had never met tha back
Of a boyfriends hand
Was simply because he had chosen
Not to introduce me
I was lucky
Unlike so many women
Landed face first
Into tha ridges of a lover's knuckles
Accidental
And shouldn't I be grateful
Not proud
To wear tha word "unbattered" like a badge
Across my intact face
For me,
There was never any decision to be made
No option to contemplate
Just tha merciful restraint
Of men who would string a necklace
Of bruises
Around my clavicle
At tha first opportunity
If I hadn't just been so fuckin' lucky

There is no place to stash a choice
Between skin and boning
Under tha corset of femininity
I'm supposed to cinch myself into
All tha better to keep my ribs
Unfractured and in their proper places
Hold my guts inside my body
Keep me propped upright
Doll-like
Incapable,
Only able to bind my daughters'
Masterfully crafted feet
For tha beauty of tradition
So that she, like me,
And every woman before her
Will never able to leave


I must understand
That it had nothing to do
With tha fact that
I demanded little more
For myself
From myself
And everyone else
Than respect
Not necessarily to be liked
Or even loved right
But to simply keep my face
In one piece
It had nothing to do
With me escaping into tha street
Long after midnight one morning
In tha midst of an argument
To avoid his anger
Nothing to do with being 18
And breaking up with my boyfriend
Because I recognized tha danger
In being called a bitch
Nothing to do with
Unanswered phone calls
And forever ignored voicemails
In tha days following
An incident in which a a male friend
Leaned in through my open driver's side window
So that he could properly wring my neck
I guess
I'm lucky
If only my clitoris
Were, instead a penis
I would have a say
As to how I should be treated
Only tha abuser has a choice
And it is enough
For tha rest of us
To simply wish
That he would decide
not to beat us
Lucky,
To dodge tha runaway wrecking ball
Of his fist
Not by ducking
But just by leaving
Before he has tha chance
To swing

Nikki, in Real Life

Sometimes I do poems. Here's tha proof...

Respect tha BOOM

Just last week, I had to lightweight bang on a negro about Boom. If you don't kno by now whut Boom is, honestly I don't kno whut to tell you aside from, "Get your life together." For now, I will say, Boom is about showing, not really about telling, and if you have been Boomed on (which likely, you have, at some point in your life) then you have a general idea of whut tha movement consists of. One of my very best girls and fellow Boomer, Tamara Blue wrote a really great poem about The Boom Girls and in light of last weeks incident with tha disrespectful male (who was no doubt jealous of our Booming abilities), and me coming dangerously close to punchin' another dude in his lying mouth, I wanted to share this goodness with ya'll.

If I had a sister
Her words would carry weight
Her style would be copied
And copied, and copied again
Paintings in her likeness
Would hang on walls in homes or buildings
All over the city, state and county
Fashions fly
Accessories exceptional

My sister would
Give me advice
And I would listen
Baring no resemblance
In facial features or structure
But still sisters like
Boom
Hugs so tight
you feel the magic in her arms
eye brows arched to perfection
With a bald head and Boom ring
Red hair, Blue hair, dread locs,
mo hawks, afros, weaves or wigs

A killer switch
In flats or 6 inch heels

praised for her way with words
her skills in the kitchen
and the bedroom


Never meek
Always sweet
But ready
at the drop of a dime
To Boom on a muthafucka if need be

Cuz sometimes
People need to be hit in they mouth
To remember that talking shit can hurt them

My sister would
have a degree
Be a single mother
A touring poet
A preschool teacher
An actor, activist, stylist,
A singer
A motivational speaker
A preacher
And a college drop out

My parents may have only had
One girl
And I may be there only daughter
But thank goodness
God has blessed me
With some sisters