Thursday, July 23, 2009

When Black Women Cut All Their Hair Off...

About a week after I first cut all my hair off (for tha billionth time in my life) I had an interesting little exchange with tha mail man at my job. He's a really cool, older black man named Jimmy who has a bit of a southern accent, regularly talks about his wife, and chats with us about sports. He's a father type, who probably goes to church on Sundays and knos a little somethin about cars. No nonsense, real decent kinda guy. He came into my office as part of his daily routine, placed our mail on a table, sat our packages beside tha mail, and as he was collecting our out going parcels looked at me and asked, "Are you sick?"

Of course, I was confused.

Then he went on to say something to tha effect of, "Well, I saw all your hair was gone and didn't kno if you were sick..."

Which led me to a thought...

In tha Black Woman's quest to find beauty in herself, she's been led down a path that dictates that she must grow and keep as much hair on her head as she possibly can at all times. I kno this, partially because I am a Black woman and also, because at one point I was a hairstylist. Not only would a good number of black women fall out and die at tha mere thought of cutting off their hair, but most won't consider tha possibility that they might be able to function in life should their hair decide to wave, curl, or (GASP!) nap up. For tha average Black woman in America, there is simply no fate worse than bald or nappy headed-ness.

Which leads me to a fundamental truth about Black Women...

If she has cut all her hair off, she is probably (A) DYING OF CANCER, or (B) HAS COMPLETELY LOST HER MIND.

Well, I ain't dying of Cancer, praise White Jesus. So, tha latter must be true. I mean, why else would anyone do this...



And intentionally go from this...




To this...




Observe tha slightly crazy look that was already present in my eyes before I went off tha deep end and took some clippers to my scalp. Notice tha crazed grin in tha "after" photo. Clearly, something is wrong. And whut's worse is that apparently, tha insanity is contagious. My best sista-friend from high school went from this...



To this...



Menacing! And whut exactly is it that she's got hiding behind that door back there? Answer: You wouldn't wanna kno!

And this po sista...



Well, she been a stark raving mad lunatic, but doesn't tha lack of hair make it more apparent?



I certainly think so.

You may be asking, "So, Nikki... whut exactly is your point?" and to that, my answer is, "I really don't kno... lemmme think..."

[insert elevator music here]

Okay, yes. My point is whut reactions to Solange's recent chop confirmed. As a Black Woman, you can't do any of tha following things:

*Love yourself
*Think you're beautiful
*Refuse to hav said beauty defined by society
*Not want to be boxed in
*Feel tha wind and/or sun on your scalp
*Go swimming and put your head UNDER tha water
*Be satisfied with tha way God made you
*Not be terrified by naps
*Not think that your hair is your beauty
*Not want to put harmful chemicals in your hair
*Want to look Afrikan
*Not be concerned with whut a man might think
*Look in tha mirror and not think you're ugly
*Not compare yourself to others
*Want to look and feel like yourself
*Not sit in a salon for 6 hours every two weeks
*Not strive to be perceived as "beautiful" by Eurocentric standards
*Be satisfied
*Feel like you're enough, as you are

And you most certainly, must not, under any circumstances allow your hair to be nappy. God forbid you cut it off.


If you do, you're sick. You're crazy. Most of all, you're ugly.



Remember it. Own it. Embody it. Live it. Teach it to your daughters and preach it to your sons. It's tha only way to quell tha hideous scourge of crazy bald headed black women that hav come to invade your consciousness. They may not hav Cancer, but they are a type of insidious, parasitic disease, feasting upon all that is good, acceptable, and decent. Shifting your paradigm, fuckin' with your perception of beauty, broadening your horizons, trapping you in their webs of nappiness, blinding you with tha glare of tha sun reflecting off their shiney scalps. They'll make you crazy, too, if you're not careful... So be careful.

Mothers, don't let your daughters grow up to own clippers. All that great hair that you so lovingly permed and pressed will be gone in an instant. And then, whut will become of her? She might end up somewhere... thinkin. She might hav tha nerve to hav a little bit of pride (ugh!). PRIDE DON'T PAY THA BILLS!

[laughter. Lots of it]

Forreal, tho... all jokes aside... this is not a judgement on Black women who chose to grow their hair long or straighten it (tho, I do feel some kinda major way about that, but I won't talk about it, cause I don't want to hurt nobody's feelings... today). I just want to encourage all women to be brave, and bold, make tha best decisions that you can for yourself and love you, no matter whut people like, don't like, or may hav to say. God made you, and that is enough to make you beautiful.

And tha church says, "BOOM."

30 comments:

  1. I read an article about this very topic on my HS friend's parent's blog about a month ago:
    http://www.laprogressive.com/2009/06/13/the-real-n-word-nappy/
    A similar sentiment, minus your awesome snark.

    Long live Solange!

    ReplyDelete
  2. DEAD! @ "Observe tha slightly crazy look that was already present in my eyes before I went off tha deep end and took some clippers to my scalp."

    What's even funnier is that it's trueR than a mug! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    ReplyDelete
  3. good read, Sister... i absolutely agree. our culture place a lot of value in hair... i think you look beautiful and yr friends too w/ the hair cut... Solange, i dunno, i dont like that pic, but i love her, i think she is the better sister... anyway, keep being you. beautiful :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Can't wait to see Chris Rock's 'Good Hair'. I think it's out in October.

    ReplyDelete
  5. ahh...i love ya, miss nikki blak. you is supa fresh. i love reading this blog.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Can it just be that a man don't wanna be with a broad that looks just like him?? Damn. It also draws attention to your face...specifically the teeth area...hmmmm

    ReplyDelete
  7. To anonymous (July 25): first of all if you call a woman "broad" who wants to be with you anyway. What wrong with drawing attention to the face of a beautiful woman? Is n'tthat what you would want and the woman would want? How come it's okay for a black man to wear long hair? You don't hear people going around saying that black men with long hair look like women and no woman should date such men. Get it together, broaden your mind, and focus on the beauty of a woman's face (and mind). You don't need hair to do that...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Yeah, so basically, whut Anonymous (July 24) is saying is that he doesn't want or date women with beautiful faces, cause if he did, then he wouldn't mind them bringing attention to it. God himself personally handcrafted this great face of mine, so folks should get used to lookin at it! LOL. Second, if a woman is a woman, she's a woman. There is no way that she can cut her hair and no outfit she can put on that will disguise or confuse that. If he has a "broad that looks just like him" then that's whut he picked... am man lookin woman... hairstyle aside! Stop dating women that look like men, then, brutha! That's YOUR bad.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I got similar reactions the first time I chopped all my hair off, back in the 80s. Thanks for articulating the truth so well. You look really gorgeous in that shot of you with the teeny weeny afro.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I love it! I have been going back and forth with myself for months now about cutting off my hair. My momma did it when she was my age and so did my aunt...wondering if I should continue the tradition. Hmmm, you gave me some more to consider.

    Maybe I'll come back from Florida like an Early EVE...who knows.

    ReplyDelete
  11. "Go swimming and put your head UNDER tha water"
    this killed me right here...i almost spit water out my nose-- thank you soooo much for your words- you have no idea the blessing and dose of realness-that a sistah needs to hear! i will be sharing this on my facebook and twitter! lol!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm screaming at the top of my lungs THANK YOU for this post. I was set free from the prison of the royal perm king about 7 years ago- was asked if I was gay, if I was having a nervous breakdown, mother almost had a heart attack. Now that things have settled I know the total and complete truth and thats that I really didnt know myself outside of all that long straight hair. Now I do- I love me all dark skin, excess weight, nappy hair. And I applaud any woman with courage enough to know herself truly know herself outside of societal and sometiems familial views. Cutting your hair off is not the only path to self knowledge but from my experiences and many of my "free" friends it certainly was a spiritual and insightful choice. When you are truly one with yourself you see the God in you, you see the good and accept the bad and with that knowledge you have a starting point to become better. I applaud Solange- but only if she did it for herself and not a publicity stunt. But you know what even if she did it for the latter the gift that she has unknowingly given herself will be much more profitable than any record sold.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Nikki, this was a fabulous article. As a woman who freed herself from the perils of the shop, harmful chemicals, dreading sweat/water/mist etc., and above all, the feeling that having less hair might make me appear less female, I can honestly say that when I cut my hair off almost ten years ago, it was the best decision ever. Sadly, so many women say to me, "Oh, your hair is so cute...what do you put in it to make it curl like that?" Well, first of all, that's an unfortunate comment, because although there are some differences in black women's hair texture, generally, at the root, the hair is either extremely wavy or just plain curly. And guess what? That curl is the ever-dreaded NAP that women are so damn afraid of. But since they have no recollection of what their hair really looks like at the root (you know, cuz they been gettin' pressed and/or chemicaled out since, like, age 8) they have no idea how pretty their hair is underneath all the cover-up (read: wigs, weave, perms, presses, jheri curl, etc.). When I tell them that I only use leave-in conditioner, and that my hair is already curly, they look at me like I'm lying. Like I'm ashamed to tell them I "use something" on my hair texture, when the ironic thing is I quit "using," and now my natural texture is garnering suspicion. Whatever. There's no chance I'll be growing my hair longer than half an inch (and even that's way too long), so any man who can't get with the fact that my face...and TEETH are that much more exposed, wasn't looking for a real woman anyway. Time for me to go cut my hair down some more. (Really...that was my plan for tomorro morning!)

    ReplyDelete
  14. word...I think short hair brings out your features more...exposes your truest beauty...there's nothing to hide behind...when I went natural I cut my long straight hair off and the fact that I live in the South (Dallas, TX) was never more evident! I had always wanted to do it, but was discouraged by lovers, exes and family members. good thing I got mad light skin points to save my attractiveness huh? #sarcasm...2 yrs later, I have a massive, curly strawberry blonde afro atop my head and I love it...my son says I look like a microphone! good thing I did it for me cuz granny still cringes when I bounce into a room...

    ReplyDelete
  15. Mutha-effin' tongue in cheek! I love it!!!

    You betta preach girl!

    I have struggled w/hair issues ever since I cut all my hair off when I was 21 and my grandma (the mean one) said I looked like a boy. How rude! BTW, this is the same granny that remarks that I should "cut them thangs off ya head" every time she sees my locs.

    I think most folks just need to STFU when it comes to a black woman's hair.

    ReplyDelete
  16. The most gorgeous woman I've ever seen actually had hair shorter than mines (I have a caesar now). She was curvaceous in all the right spots, had a smile that was more infectious than the common cold, and eyes I almost got lost in. Having short or bald hair isn't bad at all & having nappy hair is the way to go whether you're an African American male or female. Four years ago I made a hideous mistake & got my beautiful afro permed. I soon after (and I mean a couple of hours later) regretted the decision. From 2005 on I've kept my hair short & nappy. There are those who don't accept it. There are many who think I look crazy, but it's me & I won't change from being me AGAIN. This was an excellent blog sister. I miss reading these.

    ReplyDelete
  17. This was a great blog!!! Preach girl!!! I too just recently cut my hair after a year of letting my relaxer grow out. It's about 10 inches long, but compared to the long hair that has always been down my back, people treateed me like I was bald! I love it though, and the ironic thing is, I get more compliments from White people than I do black folk. It's sad that it's my own people who look at me crazy, snicker, or tell me I need to "comb my hair".

    Going natural has done wonders for me. I feel so free, and I love the fact that I know I am beautiful naturally, and don't need a weave, a perm, or any other European hair syles to look beautiful!

    ReplyDelete
  18. I agree with you...Solange could use a line up tho

    ReplyDelete
  19. I'm feelin' it! Co-workers that I don't really associate with exclaimed, "Oh my gosh, you cut your hair!" A few of my husband's longtime "male" friends had the audacity to ask, "Why did you cut all your hair off?" and my mother-in-law..dun,dun,dun, squealed, "What happened to your hair?!?" Get over it people. In the ever so eloquent words of Bobby Brown, "IT'S MY PREROGATIVE!" Love the Post.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Right! I have just made an appointment to chop off all my hair tomorrow!! I really should have done it years ago but never felt confident enough. Two years ago I cut it to two inches and had some crazy looks on the train...

    Since then I have suffered from aloepicia and the crazy thing thing is that I have been wearing hot uncomfortable wigs since!! The worst part is that underneath the wigs is an afro that is at different lengths... very long (shoulder length) at the sides and back but very thin and short at the top (crown). I have always known that shaving it off would be much more productive but its very rare to see a black woman in London without hair and it is frowned upon.

    However this article has empowered me and given me that motivation that I lacked.

    Thank you and God bless

    ReplyDelete
  21. Right! I have just made an appointment to chop off all my hair tomorrow!! I really should have done it years ago but never felt confident enough. Two years ago I cut it to two inches and had some crazy looks on the train...

    Since then I have suffered from aloepicia and the crazy thing thing is that I have been wearing hot uncomfortable wigs since!! The worst part is that underneath the wigs is an afro that is at different lengths... very long (shoulder length) at the sides and back but very thin and short at the top (crown). I have always known that shaving it off would be much more productive but its very rare to see a black woman in London without hair and it is frowned upon.

    However this article has empowered me and given me that motivation that I lacked.

    Thank you and God bless

    ReplyDelete
  22. love you girl.
    like now 'n laters and home.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Woo-hoo! Power to the nappy people! Let us go forth and spread the Gospel, my sister!

    ReplyDelete
  24. As for me, I'm going the opposite way. After over 20 years of sporting a TWA, I've finally decided to attempt to grow my hair out...and for sure it's hell because it's taking forever. So why try to grow out my hair now that I'm nearly 50? Because I'm finding having that "fiece" short and nappy look just isn't working for me anymore. That, along with the gray in the hair, is making me feel older and unattractive. Also, I'm tired of of having people mistake me for a man (yes, that really did happen) or thinking I'm a lesbian (I'm not). After 20 years of being single, I want to get married again...and the bottom line is that most men want women with long hair. Also, I'm just plain tired of feeling ugly and unfeminine whenever I look in the mirror. So I finally colored the gray (step one) and I'm trying to grow it to shoulder length and then I'm straightening it...and keeping it that way. Please don't tell me to "love myself" in my natural way. I've had over 20 years of that stuff and where has it gotten me? Another year older and ALONE...now I want to be seen as attractive to the opposite sex and find a husband, and as long as I look so "butch-y", it won't happen. So...hopefully all this growing out the hair (or getting a weave if I get tired of waiting) will pay off? Guess we'll see.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Pet Peeve: Women demanding that men find them attractive as they are. I'm sorry, but if you're not attractive your not attractive. I don't find women with short hair attractive and I refuse to simply "ignore it" or "focus on their face" because it's a matter of personal taste. If it weren't for the opposite sex I wouldn't shave, but I do, because the vast majority of them find me more attractive without facial hair. Do I go and grow a beard and demand that women find my scraggly patchy beard attractive? No, that would be asinine. If you want to cut all your hair off then go ahead, just don't cry racism or sexism when I don't think you're attractive any more, it's neither of those, it's just that you don't give me that tingly feeling any more, sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Brad, all of what you just said is so very awesome and amazing... Too bad I don't care about your attraction, or lack thereof. Remember, I don't have any hair on my head, so CLEARLY I'm way past the point of being concerned with some random man's oppinion of me. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Beautiful post! I just cut my hair off on Friday and I love it! Problem is...I don't really know how to maintain it. Does anyone have any recommendations on products I should be using?

    ReplyDelete
  28. Love it! I cut my hair about 1 month ago and I LOVE IT!

    ReplyDelete
  29. I love my natural ceasar cutt, I get so many compliments on it daily from men and women, I feel very liberated...my MAN loves it and cringes at the thought of me making any changes... I'm happy to be nappy!!

    ReplyDelete