A Head Start on Foolishness

I just wanted to get a head start on the foolishness that I plan to participate in during the coming year. Happy 2012, yawl!

Michelle O Got a Big Ol' Butt!... Oh... No

Just when you think the coast is clear and you gon' have a good damn day, Eurocentric Beauty Standards strike again! I almost threw my phone across the room this morning when I read about Wisconsin Congressman, Jim Sensenbrenner's ugly, ignorant, racist, sexist comments about First Lady, Michelle Obama's rear end. According to his big as a single family home ass, " She lectures us on eating right while she has a large posterior herself."

SAY WHAT?!?

First of all, sir, you have 46 chins, so have a fucking seat, but don't break that bitch. Second, what he's referring to as a "large posterior" is what we as black people all over the world view as natural and quite normal. In fact, Michelle's behind is nothing in comparison to how we actually have been known to get it poppin'.

Clearly this is a case of ignorance. Maybe he's not used to what we're used to. Fine, I get that. But I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Michelle Obama isn't the first black woman he's ever seen. Clearly, in all his years of living on this planet and having eyes, he's come to realize that there are some differences in the physical appearance of white women and black women. And even if there weren't, he has no right as a man to sit around criticizing a woman's body, especially when he's not walkin' around here gettin' his Vin Diesel on.

Him and Rush Limbaugh.

You wanna know what that fool said? Back in February, this is what came out of his monkey mouth: "The problem is, and dare I say this, it doesn't look like Michelle Obama follows her own nutritionary, dietary advice... I'm trying to say that our First Lady does not project the image of women that you might see on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue or of a woman Alex Rodriguez might date every six months or what have you."

SON!

1. She may not project the image of women that you might see on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue... However, she has been on the cover of Vogue (and PLENTY of other magazines! And isn't Vogue way more prestigious?), so shut your mouth. Forever.

2. She's had 2 babies. Rush Limbaugh, who have you given birth to?

3. Oh, so now we're evaluating folks' qualifications based on whether or not Alex Rodriguez would date them? That's mighty intelligent.

4. I see... So in order for the First Lady to encourage people to participate in physical activities and have higher nutritional standards, she has to do this...

Oh. Okay. Yeah, that makes sense.

4. Didn't the nation go crazy about how toned and awesome this woman's arms are? Clearly Michelle is in shape. This should not even be a conversation.

5. Michelle Obama is a woman of nearly 50 years old. And clearly she's not fat. In fact, her body is bangin'.

But I realize that this isn't entirely about fat versus skinny. This is about the fact that Michelle is a woman and as a woman, her worth and authority (at least in the minds of sexist, racist white men with too much money, power, and time on their hands) hinges almost entirely on her physical appearance. I find it interesting that in all of this talk about her body, no one has cited the fact that this woman is a Princeton graduate.

EVERYBODY THAT HAS GRADUATED FROM PRINCETON UNIVERSITY, RAISE YOUR HANDS!

*looks around*

*sees no hands raised*

Okay, I'm done talkin' about this, 'cause I'm just gonna get more and more worked up if I continue to think about it. In closing, Patriarchy lives, Rush Limbaugh is still a complete idiot and Jim Sensenshutupheux needs to have his right to utter words revoked. As a black woman, the only way I can find enough peace to be able to sleep well at night is by reminding myself that Sasha and Malia are somewhere swayin' their little non-existent (but soon to be prominent) hips, chanting, "My Mama is hot and fine! She got a booty like mine!"

Yule Get Drop Kicked

There are a significant number of reasons as to why this situation that is happening on my desk at work is just wrong. Look, I love Jesus more than just as much as you do, but that's no reason to put a fake candy cane in a red vase on my desk. See, this is the [main] problem I have with Christmas decorations. Rarely are they ever well done, understated, or elegant. At best, they're kitschy, and at worst... They're awful, ugly, eye sores. Jesus wept.

Listen, I'm just tryin' to work here. However, at times it's a struggle with this distracting ass twig with random ball configuration directly in my line of sight. There has to be an ordinance or code under some obscure labor law that will allow me to sue my employer for subjecting me to this foolishness.

But This Photo, Though

True, she is skinny as all the fucks. But this photo, though! GIRL, YOU BETTER MODEL! Oh! The pose! The dress! Is she on stilts? OH MAH GAH!

*passes out*

Added Ridiculum

This week, my fiancee and I launched our wedding website. Well, sort of. It's still missing some content, but it's a start. And as if I'm doing a spectacular job of keeping up with my own site, this blog, and my Blackplanet page, and er... uh, other social media, I've made more commitments. Not only have I decided to write a years worth of blogs for my wedding website, but I will also be contributing content to the new Golden State Slam site on a bi-weekly basis. I'm a busy sista! However, I am excited to have all of this madness on my plate. It'll keep me good and insane, just how you like me. Now, please excuse me while I go pull all of my hair out.