So, I Didn't Die This Weekend

I didn't die this weekend. Listen, that's a gigantic accomplishment, because I definitely felt like I was going up to the big poetry slam in the sky when I woke up on Saturday morning. The Devil has been entirely too busy, lately and that dude tried to take me out... I had the dreaded Mastitis. Can you believe it? A G like me?

You're like, "Nikki, what is Mastitis?" And I'm like, "You don't want to know."

But, I'll tell you anyway. Because you're that damn nosey.

Mastitis is a byproduct of Original Sin. Damn you, Eve. I'm kidding. But not really. It's basically an affliction that nursing mothers can fall victim to if a clogged milk duct decides to get crunk. And by "crunk", I mean, "infected". I felt like I'd been run over by Halle Berry. I've never been that hurt and fatigued in my life, except for maybe when I gave birth... and that's a maybe.

I was seriously considering a visit to Urgent Care, especially after reading that Mastitis is typically treated with antibiotics, but I consulted the doula that had assisted me with my daughter's birth and she basically said that I didn't have to. She gave me a few tips on how to get better at the house and I decided to attempt at healing thyself before running to the doctors.

Speaking of giving birth, oh yeah, that baby that I had... I wasn't able to do much of anything with her in the state that I was in. Enter, two of my besties who proceeded to swoop in like caped women and hold The Rose and I down. They made sure she was diapered, fed, supervised, and entertained while I worked on not dying. I can't thank them enough.

My motherless child, in Chinatown. Photo Cred: Judy Holiday

The lessons here are many, but, in short: (1) Get and keep some good friends. They may very literally save your life a time or two, and (2) keep some garlic and therapeutic grade lavender essential oil on deck, and be prepared to drink gallons of water and sleep like Rip Van Winkel, since these are apparently the cures to every affliction known to humankind. Also, Soy Lecithin, hot showers, regular massage of the affected breast, constant pumping and/or nursing, and cabbage leaves in the bra work wonders. With that said, I will go forth in good boob health and hope you all do the same.